I often wonder what would happen if I was hospitalised. Who would be concerned? Who would come visit me? Would they come out of duty or because they cared? Would they know how to make me feel better and, if they did, would they even try? And what would happen if I were to be released? Would they still care afterwards and check that I’m ok? Or would that last a few days and then everything would go back to as if nothing happened?
And what if I didn’t make it out? I often think about my funeral, too. If I were to die now, who would organise my funeral? Would they know how I would want it to be? How many people would attend it and who would they be? Would they be there because they genuinely cared about the fact that I had died or would they be there because they felt they should be?
I then think about if people would remember me afterwards. Would people think about me for a few weeks and then just forget about me completely? Would people have a good memory of me?
It actually scares me how often I contemplate this. But then, it scares me that no one would care if anything happened to me. I am so scared at the idea of leaving this world and people forgetting that I ever existed.
I hate thinking about such things, but the same thoughts return every single day. And I hate it.
And what if I didn’t make it out? I often think about my funeral, too. If I were to die now, who would organise my funeral? Would they know how I would want it to be? How many people would attend it and who would they be? Would they be there because they genuinely cared about the fact that I had died or would they be there because they felt they should be?
I then think about if people would remember me afterwards. Would people think about me for a few weeks and then just forget about me completely? Would people have a good memory of me?
It actually scares me how often I contemplate this. But then, it scares me that no one would care if anything happened to me. I am so scared at the idea of leaving this world and people forgetting that I ever existed.
I hate thinking about such things, but the same thoughts return every single day. And I hate it.
I don't know why you think like this way, and have these pessimistic thoughts but i wanna say that this not our age to think about such things. There are lot many things to do and learn etc. By the way why do you think in such way?
ReplyDeleteI know that life never goes as we plan it.( Actually the same thing is happening with me) but still i avoid these kind of questions because i know they'll give me tension only. So, I'm trying to keep them off by doing what i love. For a change you should try is too...:)
I think it really started when a girl in my year at school was killed outside the sixth form gates by a car. Going to her funeral, seeing the effect that it had on everyone just made me think, I guess. And with stuff that happened recently, it all kept bugging me. Because a lot of people have proved that they don't care about me, and I just wonder: what would happen if circumstances changed so drastically?
ReplyDeleteThat's all destiny issues which we can't change or modify. No one said life would be easy....No matter how you suffer their is some strength. Using that you can move on. Don't think about the people who don't care. And no matter how much you fall there is always someone to hold you....think about yourself, give some time to yourself and you'll find a way surely.And reading your posts make me feel that you are a very nice girl....:) and a honest one too...
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it's not just me who thinks about that question - "Who would visit me if I was in hospital?" And it scares me sometimes to think that some of the people I know probably wouldn't bother.
ReplyDeleteLike - the people who I would want to sit with me and talk with me while I'm in hospital... would they actually come?
I don't think about it that often, but sometimes I do. Sometimes we do just consider things because these things would make everything change.
I love your blog Steph :) Really interesting posts :D