I can't stop thinking about last night.

I think it was the first time that I've been genuinely happy in too long. I wasn't drunk, but I was tipsy enough to forget what people thought of me and just be really honest. I have grazes all over my body from laying on the gravel with some friends which was lovely. We all lay there, hugging, and my friend Tom kept begging me to stay. He kept telling me how much he loved me and didn't want me to go. For someone that feels lonely a lot, this meant the world to me. I don't think he meant it anymore than just friends but it was enough to make me cry a bit.
My other friend, Tim, is dating my best friend. He got very drunk and said he felt really insecure and worried. I gave him a hug, and kissed him on the forehead, and told him it would all be ok. He looked at me in the eye, put his hands around my face and pulled me closer and kissed me on the cheek. I'm not sure if he aimed for my mouth and missed, but it doesn't matter anyway. I confessed stuff to him and he hugged me tighter.
I just wish I could have stayed. I really really wanted to. Mum and I argued because I was asking too much, but I just wanted to be happy and loved just that little bit more. Just a bit.