EXCITEMENT.

My dad is letting me use his photography equipment to do a photoshoot, and that means using his Canon 5D mark II and his 7D as well as all his lenses. It will be good to get behind a camera again; I miss it so much!

Regrets.

I have recently acquired a lethal Being Erica addiction that meant I was awake until 4am last night watching it. If you've never seen it, it's about a woman that writes down all the regrets in her life and she goes back and makes them right. It sounds very boring and cliché but it's the complete opposite. Every time she changes it, she learns something new for the future.

It got me to thinking that we should never have regrets. Regrets are only produced because we have obtained the benefit of hindsight. Because we know what happened because of our decision, we feel that we should have done things differently. The thing is: it's gone. You made a decision and the one thing that we must always remember is that we made that decision for a reason. Whether or not it was right in the long term, you decided that it was right at the time. What we can obtain from past mistakes is a knowledge for the future: if that situation arises again, you have a better idea of what to do and can make an overall better decision for the future.
We can't change the past. But we have complete control over our present. So forget what happened and concentrate on now and try to correct any wrong mistakes. Our present can always correct our past and completely change our future. So don't regret anything. Learn from what you have done because, without knowing what happened afterwards, you never would have done it differently even if you could go back now.

After months of regretting things, I realised that I wouldn't change a thing. Because it made me a stronger and better person and without it, I would have gone on to make more mistakes anyway.





first positive post in ages. aha.

Hello there, old friend. (SOOC)

Hello there, old friend. (SOOC), a photo by Stephasaurus. on Flickr.

My first upload to Flickr in ages.
I wish I had my Nikon back :(

Oh dear...

I am really really sorry.
I've been going through a hard patch at the moment, and late at night I just rant on here. I know it seems weird, but I never really know what I'm doing and I find it hard to remember the next day. It's so weird. At about 10/11 pm I get really upset and won't go to bed until 2am most nights.
I think I might post soon about what is going on, so people understand but it would be a very very very long post...

But thank you for those who commented and have been there for me. What's going on in my life is really quite pathetic, but it's made me very down and you guys make me smile a lot :)

I feel very alone right now.

I feel so lost. I try doing the things that normally make me feel better, but they just aren't enough. I feel so lost and I'm trying to find a way to stop that and find myself but I can't. I don't want to do anything but sit here and I need my friend right now, because he's basically all I have left and he's not here. I just want a hug and someone to tell me I'm appreciated and mean it.I  feel so empty and lost. I want to be reckless. Jump on a train and go somewhere for a while. Or a plane. Just something out of the blue and to help me remember where and who I am. I feel so alone right now. I always feel so alone. But more now than normal. I want to feel happy again and I want it to last and I want to remember who I am. I just want this all to stop. The crying, the lack of enthusiasm in anything... I want to be as passionate as I used to be and throw my heart and soul into myself rather than others.

I'm not quite sure what to do anymore

I was always under the impression that, if you're a nice person, people will respect you.
Well, I feel disrespected and lonely and the reason this started? Because I wanted to help.

I'm so confused and don't know what to do anymore. Is there any point carrying on if this keeps happening again and again?

I'm trying but I'm just lacking enthusiasm in everything now.