I can't sleep.

In fact, I feel more awake than I have done all day.
I also feel rather emotional. Not... sad, as such. But not happy. Just... a strange emotion. Hence why I decided to write.

College:
Is hard work, but I'm getting through it. I'm working every night when I get in and mostly on top of all my work. I'm talking to people in my classes, talking to people from my old classes... I'm not keen on who I'm with for music, though. They're all nice enough but... Most of my close friends last year were from Music and they're all in the other class. I sit on my own now. No one really talks to me much, or acknowledges me but that will all change, I reckon. We have to perform in a few weeks. People will learn what I'm like.

Family:
It's been alright at the moment. We're getting on quite well, with just the odd argument. I do feel very closed it and trapped, but with college it means I get out and escape more. I'm hoping that when I turn 18, this will happen even more. My uncle has been back from America this week, so we've been busy with him so I guess that's taken everyone's minds off of everything. My great grandfather is dying now. We reckon he has a few weeks left. It's a shame, it really is. but to make it to 92 and not even die from old age... Well, that's an achievement in itself. He's in one of the best nursing homes, and I just hope he goes in his sleep.

Friends:
The friend that caused me to go into a rut a couple of months ago text me yesterday. It was about a house that we photographed together (it was knocked down). So it wasn't personal and there were no kisses on the end (we used to put 5) but it's contact, and it made me feel better. Because I didn't cave: she contacted me first and it shows that she doesn't hate my guts. Not that I would care if she did, anyway. I still talk to my old... "friends" but when other people are there, I talk to them. I know that I shouldn't choose but, well, they're not good friends. I realise now that they never really were. And if you can choose sides as quickly as that, you're not worth my time. But the new people I'm making friends with are lovely. I have a good laugh with them, and they're my kind of people. I'm not going to get too attached, but it's pleasant. I'm content with that at the moment.


Everything's been alright the last couple of weeks, actually. I haven't felt really down since September started. There was an issue last Sunday, but a small one. I went to the doctor, and she said that she thinks I'll be ok. I'm low-risk so she's not worried about me. This has good and bad points, but I'm just relieved that I don't have to keep coming up with new, believable lies every week. I'm content and just bumbling along. I know things will change at some point, but for now I'm quite happy. I could be happier... but isn't everyone that way?