Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Why is society so wrong?

Ever since I was born, i was raised to work hard, be nice, do good and all the normal, cliché things that children are taught. but as I'm growing older, I've realised that it was a waste of time. I think I still work hard, i try to be a good person, I try to be nice and all those things but where did it get me?
And then I see people do such wrong, and get away with it.
For example, him. He got a girl pregnant; they were both 15 at the time. I was the only one he told, and I did everything I could to make him happy and make his life easier. This included lying to my own mother so I could see him and help, because he asked me to. I stayed awake every night, worrying about him. When she had the abortion, I cried. I hated the idea of someone not even getting a chance to live through no fault of their own, and it was someone that I would have known. It gives me a chill even now. He told me this girl was his third, there was another after her and he asked me to keep these things quiet. I did. Because he trusted me and that meant an awful lot to me.
Then we got closer and closer, and went out for a while. And he made me feel amazing. Truth be told, I wasn't heavily attracted to him. He wasn't good looking at all, and had the personality of a wet flannel but he made me feel like I was beautiful. For the first time in my life, I was confident, I felt good about who I was and I was loved by someone just for being me. Every girl's dream, isn't it?
But the truth came out.
He was a virgin. He lied just to get to me. We'd met up before, and I'd asked if it was the truth and he said he would never lie to me. No, he didn't say that. He promised. I don't trust easily, but I let myself trust him with all my heart and I started to love him after that. I say to this day that I didn't, but I know I did. Even just a tiny bit. We broke up, over text. Because he was too cowardly to tell me to my face.
And now I know more about what happened afterwards.
Met up with my friend and he knew that she was madly in love with him. But he met up with her, kissed her. And then got off with her bestfriend the next day. And now he's dating this girl, whom I can't stand. I stuck by who I was and was really lovely to her, and told her that I would kill him if he hurt her. but then she grew horrible. She sent me page long texts asking me how to keep him, saying how much she loved him. And she knew at this point, that I'd told him I still liked him (it was a badbadbad time, I'd never been any lower.)
And now they're happy, he's no longer a virgin and I'm still left here, watching them all from the distance. How come he got a good life? He doesn't deserve it. I'm sat here writing about it on my own at ten minutes to midnight, half in tears over this incident even though it happened... 6 months ago now.
Why? Why do people like that get the good life when people who work hard and try to be the best they can suffer?

I'm just sick of it. I don't like him at all now, not even as a friend. We talk. In fact, he's texting me now as I was almost in tears at band and he noticed. But I hate him. Irony is, it's not entirely what he did to me. It's what he did to others that makes me want to kill him. There's so much more I haven't written, and each time i think there's a little burst of flames in my soul that are telling me to ruin him.
I want to so bad, but I'm so scared.

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